


Shattered

by lizthefangirl



Series: Returns [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellarke, Canon Compliant, Drabble, F/M, Speculation, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 20:21:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15251307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizthefangirl/pseuds/lizthefangirl
Summary: Post 5.09 spec. Bellamy returns to the Valley after fighting in the pit.





	Shattered

Bellamy limped into the camp, met by four running figures—most of whom took him in their arms, one by one. He held them tightly, holding the last of them longer than the rest, feeling her damp lashes against his throat.

He would have time with his friends later. He would explain why he had to choose that moment to hoarsely ask them, “Where is she?”

Echo froze, drawing back slowly. The others shuffled awkwardly as he shot her a pleading look. “I just need a minute. Please.”

“She’s at church,” Murphy quipped, ignoring the ravenous look Echo sent his way. Bellamy did the same as he offered her one last apology, then carefully made his way to the structure.

It was empty, apart from where she stood at one of the windows. The space was crammed with cots and tables and junk. He could feel its intrusion as he watched her gaze at an object in her hand—a radio, the wires detached, hanging limp.

He swallowed roughly, still aching from the pit, trying to clear that from his voice as he said her name—

“I called you,” she said calmly. Coldly. “On this. Even though it never worked; I didn’t care.” He could only stare as she sat the broken receiver down onto a table, pain flaring for a different reason as she continued, “I called you every single day. Talked to you for... I don’t know how many hours. How many days.”

His mouth had gone dry at the impossible words.

“I sat here with Madi for six years, waiting for you to come back,” she rasped. “I never stopped hoping you would come back. Thought you did, but it wasn’t you. And then it was.”

She slowly walked down the aisle, finally looking at him. “And then you let them put that thing in her—into her mind. My _baby_ ,” she choked. “You let that happen.”

No response rose in his throat. In fact, he was feeling a very particular emptiness—one that had greeted him when they’d first arrived back on the Ark. When he grieved her most intensely.

That was a trace of a memory, now, as Clarke said, “For all our talk of forgiveness—“

“You can’t forgive that,” he finished quietly. “I knew that. But you’re alive. Madi’s alive. And we’ll find a way to get that out of her head—safely. We’ll figure it—“

“‘We,’” she hissed. “No, you are nothing to her. Ever again. I forbid it.”

“Clarke—“

“Why are you here? Why aren’t you with your _family_?”

He’d been waiting for that blow. “You know I didn’t mean—“

“I don’t care what you meant,” she whispered. “I wish you’d never come back here.”

He gaped, ears ringing. Voice rising—refusing to let that land. “You act like this is the first time we’ve been through something like this, Clarke! You left Octavia in Tondc to die to save my life, remember that? You had me knocked out and dragged into a bunker, you pointed a gun at me—“

“Damn you,” she spat. “Damn you for making excuses, Bellamy. For comparing this to anything that’s happened between us.”

“I thought there was no ‘us,’ anymore,” he scoffed.

“Get out.”

His face softened. “Please, don’t do this.”

“I begged you not to do it,” she said. “I tried to break out—" She held up her wrists, and his blood turned to lead as he noticed the bruising. “But I was too late. I was too late. And I wasn’t stopping Octavia, I wasn't stopping Wonkru, or Diyoza. I was stopping _you_.” Her voice trembled.

He closed his eyes, knowing every moment he lingered was breaking them further apart. He wasn’t sure where the words came from. “I thought you were dead.”

She didn’t respond.

“I thought you were dead for six years. I thought I left you to die.” He poured every ounce of steel into his gaze he could muster. “And if you thought I was going to let anything— _anything_ —take you away again... I don’t care if you hate me. I don’t care. Because you’re alive.” He nodded to himself, suddenly so exhausted. “You’re alive.”

He couldn’t take another verbal blow. He couldn’t stand to see her look at him like that. To feel what might have been the most painful of all the hits he’d taken these days still stinging his cheek. He stalked down the steps, finding the crew huddled nearby. Finding a similar contempt on Echo’s face.

And had the same terrible realization he’d had earlier:

That he hadn’t been willing to attack Octavia when she was threatened. He’d been furious, of course. But it wasn’t as if something had snapped within him. As if he’d plotted against his sister with an absolution, because he simply couldn’t comprehend the idea of something happening to her.

Bellamy had gotten back a piece of his heart he’d thought was lost. And that piece had swelled over time, dangerously.

Now that it was shattered, he felt as if only a small part remained beating.

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this puppy at 2 AM. Comments are smiles and all that.


End file.
